Life isn't ALWAYS a party

So I dropped off the earth for a while, so I shall do my best to make up for lost time. The last almost 2 years have been quite a story. I've even been told to write a book. If I were to write a book it would be filled with love, joy, heart break, tragedy, a great loss and a big move. So in a nut shell: I was in an abusive relationship, once I was stripped of all confidence, resiliance, and was alienated from all friends and family I was stuck, trapped in a relationship where I was expected to apologize for breathing. I finally had the sense literally knocked into me when he broke a windshield with my head and left me on the side of the road. Court date after court date ensued ripping me back to the fragtments of a human that was when this mess started. Finally 8 months after that horrible night we had arrived at the jury trial date. His famous lay had the state’s attorney in their pocket so I lost. It was awful, and once he won in court there was no peace he felt invincible. He showed up at y house, my workplace, followed me, tried to run me off the road. So.... I moved 400 miles away from everyone and everything I knew. It was an adventure to say the least.

It's a new era :)

It's a dawn of a new era!!! well for me anyway :) Sadly I have neglected my blog for far too long and look back in dismay at how few and far between my meager posts of drivel have been. So here's to a new and better year (finally! I'm just a few months behind). So I am going to try to, bring my blog up to date on some past, mostly present and then on to the flourishing future of my posts :)

Spring Please Jump in at Any Time!

The sunshine was GLORIOUS today! I know I'm horrible, but I just can't help but still be unsatisfied that it's almost April, still in the 30's and we just keep getting snow, snow and more snow! First day of Spring, it snowed like crazy! It was as if even our hemisphere was laughing at my desperate longing for the growing warmth and blossoming buds of SPRING!

Cold as it was today, the brilliant sunshine helped get rid of a little more snow AND I got to drive ZOEY!! for the first time in a LONG (WAAAAYYY TTOOOOO LOOOOONG) time I got to drive my beloved Mini and I must say it was like driving a new car all over again! In fact I had a funny little muse of inspiration hit me while zooming around the bends and over hills.... That the objects in the mirrors are LOSING!! lol zoom zoom! I felt like a little kid!

If you've never driven a Mini or don't own a Mini, seriously you don't know what you're missing! It's a PASSION to not only drive but be fortunate enough to OWN one. *sigh* ok it was a pretty good day I admit.

And So I start Again

3 years since my last post.... It's been a trying few years. I've sadly neglected my blog for far too long. I was in a dark place for quite some time and not in a place to share my story. Finally free of an abusive relationship, 4 states and 400 miles away with a fresh start and happier than I have been in a long time. I do believe it's a good time to start blogging again.

Horsey Limo for 2 Please

I went to the Horse World Expo in Timonium today. Most of the speakers I saw were good, I was a little disappointed in the tack shops I admit, but I am trying a new frugal thing this year so I wasn't interested anyway! I did however almost sell my soul for a horse trailer, no, LIMO for two horses with EVERYTHING. I have wanted and need a larger trailer for about 6 months now as my "baby" has since grown to almost 18 hands tall (in normal people language his back stands at 6 feet tall) so he no longer fits in a regular height trailer no no my boy needed an extra tall trailer. Slightly more pricey though they may be, I took the plunge and bought a trailer not quite limo-esque but my goodness I want to live in it!!

The trailer sales guy got a pretty good laugh when he asked if I wanted to back up to the doors and hook up to take it home... I then promptly informed him that while Zoe (my mini) if a very tough car, she is no match for an almost 3,000 lb trailer. *sigh* so alas my excitement must be contained until I can go pick up the new trailer... now I need a name. (itsa weird fetish I name all my vehicles, trailers, and bugs/bees that may get trapped in my car.) anyways just a small bout of typed out excitement fueled by buying the horse trailer of my dreams.... I have the barn and the trailer, the horse... one day I might even have my own house :0) lol I think I have a few priorities mixed up but I'm getting there!!

Knowing the Price of Everything and the Value of Nothing

I was allowing my mind to simply wander today while we had a slow afternoon at work. While day dreaming and thinking of goals and dreams for the future it hit me like a ton of bricks. People today, and not only young people (this is not a stereo type kind of thing) just people in general seem to have lost their knowledge of the value of things. Price tags, status symbols, you name it we all have on super speed recovery but knowing the true value of things seems a thing of the past.

Time is money to alot of people and in many instances there is truth there, yet time is priceless. How can we put a price tag on time spent with family, baking cookies with grandma or learning to sew with my mom. I re-thought everything I've done in life, and the stark cold truth of all my failures washed over me like ice water, but ya know there are so many valuable, cherished moments in my life where I did the right thing or where I spent now treasured time with family and friends.

I am determined from here on out to try to live a life based on value, the value of life and not the price at which things are marked. Physical possessions are nice I admit I'm spoiled, but I can't take them with me and above all else family, friends and reaching out to others is what really give life VALUE and makes everything worth while.

It's that smile that's returned by a perfect stranger just because I smiled at them first. It's the way others will feel true surprise and delight when offered even a tiny kindness. While I know I'll have my selfish moments because I always do, I'm striving to do better, give more and help others as much as I can. I hope to truly understand the VALUE of life.

She Lives!!

two weeks post surgery and I'm alive!! it was decided a little late in life I should have those lovely tonsils and adenoids removed. Surgery went... uh well?? Let's see they did nerve damage to my tongue it's been two weeks and all I can feel are the tinglies, my mouth is pretty small so they broke my jaw in order to get my mouth open wide enough to remove my abnormally infected and large tonsils and they put me on steroids because of the severe swelling they feared it would affect my breathing.

Here I sit two weeks later and I can be reasonably understood when I talk and I can even eat soups now (I will never eat jello again!) nothing hot, nothing super cold just room temperature creamed soups doesn't that sound WONDERFUL!!

I baked insane amounts of cookies, tarts, cranberry bars, cakes, etc. lots of delectable foods, crab dip, shrimp puffs, steak, etc. for Christmas Eve dinner and I also did quiche, a breakfast casserole, breads, rolls, spicy potatoes, home made sausage, bacon, for Christmas Breakfast and I couldn't eat a single bite of any of it. I just stared longingly while I munched my ice chips and inhaled jello.

I did however, for Christmas dinner become very fond of bread pudding. It was pretty much my dinner but I was just so happy it wasn't gelatinous in any way!! I've been losing weight right and left, I think for those with tonsils who want to lose weight just get your tonsils taken out. It'll kill any appetite you could possibly have! Something about feeling like your swallowing razor blades that just ruins the fun of food.

Anyways I am alive and well and looking forwards to being able to eat solid foods in the new year!! I hope everyone had a wonderful family filled Christmas and an equally marvelous New Years!!

Good Deed for the Decade

So I did my good deed for the decade today. Not only did I not get upset that a woman who was talking on her cell phone rear ended me and damaged my beloved Zoey (my mini) I even sent her off with a hug, and a Merry Christmas. Not that I don't love my car, but it's only a few scratches and she was older and I'm sure didn't need that on her insurance/driving record. I think it's funny though I was calm and collected about it and everyone else is like WTF!! you should have called the cops and got her info and EVERYTHING. But you know what, I'm tired of getting upset because other people ruin what I've worked so hard to get. I love my car, I'm down right obsessive and anal about my car it's spotless all the time, but you know what I have NEVER owned a car not a single car that someone else didn't rear end. NOT ONE. (and I've owned 5 cars) I used to get so upset and cry and be angry and let it eat me inside, but now... this time, its just ok.

I hope she passes on the same kindness to someone else who makes a mistake. But I think, that was my good deed for the decade. Maybe all this cookie baking, holiday stress, work stress, school finals stress, volunteering, child mentoring, 2nd job stress has finally melted my brain... Alas, I am trying to be a good person, it's not easy though I tell you, I had to take a few deep breaths before getting out of my car on the side of the road. Here's to being best person I can be. I hope it doesn't kill me!!

Christmas Past

After helping an elderly woman who was struggling with her cart, contents and the loading of them into her vehicle I was surprised to hear - "I didn't think there were any kind, helpful youth in the world anymore. Thank you."

My heart swelled, ok so maybe it was my pride. but not pride in myself, pride in my parents for teaching my to respect my elders and to accomodate them whenever possible. I'm proud to say I was raised right. And this year more than ever I find myself going out of my way to help the elderly as I miss my grandparents to very much.

So many young people don't even realize the treasure they have in their lives to have grandparents. I haven't had a grandparent since I was 12 years of age. I miss baking cookies with my mom-mom (it'sa southern thing I hadn't heard of it either til we moved to The States) I miss bundling up when we went to visit my grandma in Canada for Christmas. Sledding in the front yard, making her furious for tracking snow onto her always freshly cleaned kitchen floor.

I miss my pop-pop (American) always getting so excited about his funny little trinkets he would collect all year just to see my eyes light up when he's pull them from behind his back. I miss hearing my mom-mom get on his case for not saving his treasures until Christmas day (I think that's where I got not being able to wait to give gifts from!). Singing Christmas carols that I barely remember the words to now, listening to stories of my grandparents' childhood Christmas' and how different life is now. I miss making snow angels, and laughing while shivering in the cold only to rush inside and sit by the woodstove until my cheeks are bright red. Helping my oldest brother shove my middle brother down slippery slopes covered with snow and ice... ya sibling violence - sniff sniff good times.

There is so much I miss from my Christmas' past. It brings a sadness to my Christmas present when I remember so many good times past and know that those beloved people will never touch our holidays again. I wouldn't necessarily call it Hum-Bug-itis but I am definitely not feeling overly joyous this season and I can't seem to shake it...
Maybe it was the woman who ran me down in the store with her cart yesterday... hmmm

Delinquent Blogger

I have a confession to make... I have been a delinquent blogger. When times get busy or a teeniest bit tough I have bailed on my blog like a cockroach when the lights come on. I am ashamed, delinquent and about to rectify that situation. With school finals all this week, baking Christmas cookies till I wanted to send charred lumps to all my relatives and friends out of frustration, and frantic shopping, decorating and the pressure of sweating excellence I am slowly but surely making progress in trudging through this holiday season. Alas, they closer it gets to Christmas, the more excited I get about giving my carefully selected gifts to my family, but I get more agitated, edgy and just wish it was over a little faster. *sigh* ah the whoas of such a supposedly glorious season.